Life is stressful, but it's so great!!

Whew with everything going on with school right now, I don't have much time to think about blogging. But there is much to say I guess. I talked with my bishop about the stresses of life and he gave me some great council and direction. It made me feel so much better to get some of these things out so someone could understand what I was going through. School has continued to be a worry, but I realize that as long as I try my very best to do the small important things everyday, then the Lord will give assistance when it is needed. It's something I've always known, but I need it repeated to me just as much as the next guy I guess.


The one thing going on in my life right now that makes me happy is my relationship with Kim. I love her more than anything. She and I have pretty much been dating since early summer. We haven't seen each other since the beginning of the month but she is finally making her way back up to Idaho. I'll get to see her in a few days and I am so excited. I can't get too much into detail about it yet though. There is much of the story that has yet to be written <3
I am really looking forward to having her close again. She is probably the one thing that has kept me sane during this crazy hectic time I'm having with school. I can't really say exactly how amazing she has been because I'll probably get all emotional If I think about it too much. LoL

So life is good. As rough as it has been the past year or so, I can honestly say I am happy. The next few weeks and months have so much in store. I can't wait to see what happens next! Till next time!


"One look, One smile, One touch, One embrace, One kiss, One love,Two people, Two minds, Two souls, Two destinies, One road, One journey, One ending, Together."

I got tagged!! The RULES....

The RULES 1. Link the person who tagged you --- Jenna 2. Post these rules. 3. Tell about 6 unspectacular quirks of yours. 4. Tag 6 fellow bloggers by linking them.

6 Unspectacular Quirks...

1. I love singing in the car by myself. Not just sing! I belt it!! I will often find myself losing my voice after a long road trip. If I were to see myself doing it I would probably think I was pretty strange!

2. I hate big groups of people....seems like a common theme among some of my blogging friends. like small groups of people who I know. I am definitely a shy person, although I try to hide it. I'd prefer the movie and popcorn over a dance party.

3. I have a very negative attitude towards school, which I wish I didn't have. I know it's important and will be a benefit to me once I do graduate. I just really don't like it right now!! It's so frustrating.

4. I procrastinate!! Even though I am so busy with homework and everything else, I find some small ways to put off doing what I need to do now! I've been alot better then I was in high school, but I think I don't like starting something that I know is gonna be frustrating to finish. Argh!!

5. I worry too much!! About everything! No wonder I am always so stressed out.

6. I don't accept help very often. I tend to want to do everything myself so I know the job is done right. I am realizing though that if I don't get some help in my classes this time around I'm in for a rough ride. When people ask me if I need anything I usually just say I'm fine. I think I either love torturing myself or just feel like I am inconveniencing someone else by asking for assistance. Plus I don't like to look dumb when I do get help.


Well that was fun...now to find 6 people to tag.
Barb
Allison
Vanessa
Coby
Adrienne
Phillips Family!

Blah.

Ever since the weekend, which didn't really feel like a weekend, I've just been going crazy with homework and stuff. Where's the pause button? I need to rest. I've been trying my hardest to keep a positive attitude and just grind through it all. It gets real lonely though when you are stuck in your room doing homework all night. I do talk to friends online which is nice, they try to keep me going too. I guess I need to give thanks more, just to everyone who has been there for me. You know who you are and I want you to know what you guys mean to me! Thanks!

I have my first calculus test this week and I am so under prepared. I'm so behind on the homework because I barely have time to do it. My other 2 big classes, Electrical Circuits and Object-Oriented Programming are kicking my butt too with tons of work. I have a paper due Friday, program design Monday along with a presentation of my research paper. All that for one class. So I guess I should really be dreading the weekend! Haha oh well...nothing new. Life has always thrown me the short stick. I think the Lord knows I'll just take it anyway. Maybe I don't complain enough. I've always thought it would be great if we didn't have to sleep. I would have so much more time to get everything done. Right now I'm dreading the rest of the night since I'll be doing homework the whole time. But I'd like to avoid becoming an epic failure and graduate at some point. I better just get to it.


"I believe in making the world safe for our children, but not our children's children, because I don't think children should be having sex."

Ryan Shupe and the Rubberband

Friday night I went to see the Ryan Shupe and the Rubberband concert here in Rexburg. Let me just say that it was so awesome! I haven't really followed them much lately. I saw them in concert like 9 years ago back in Pennsylvania when I went to EFY one year. I had won one of their CD's way back then which I still have today and is currently in my car's CD player. It was just a ton of fun! They are great performers and it was entertaining!

It was a nice break from everything else that's been going on lately, namely school! I probably should have stayed home and done homework instead....how sad is that? This weekend seriously didn't feel like a weekend. I've done so much homework and I have a ton more still to do for tomorrow. I hate being the pessimist but I just don't see the end of this tunnel. This is about as bad as it was at the end of last winter semester, so I don't want to think what it really will be like when it comes to that...if I even make it to that point. I almost want to stay mad and frustrated at the situation because even if I'm encouraged and told that it will all work out in the end...the fact is I'm still stuck in this situation and what I really want is some relief. And I just don't see how I will get it. I know I should be focusing on my important priorities right now like my classes and church responsibilities...and I am. It's all I have time for. I don't even know when I'll find time to go to the temple. It's something I really need in my life right now, and something I said I would do more this semester. How will I make time for it as well? I see everyone else out having fun and I'm just stuck inside doing homework all day. I seriously spent every night doing church stuff and in my room doing homework. It's only been 1 week. How can this be fair?

*don't have time to post a quote*

Who is that Guy?

Who is that guy?
He is always out doing
How does he keep the pace?
So quiet and melancholy
I don't see much feeling
His eyes so focussed
Where is he going?
So hard to read
He gets to the point
No straying here or there
His countenance is cheerless
Do only I see this?
Who is that guy?

I am that guy
So busy yet distracted
I cannot keep this pace
So shy and unmotivated
The feeling is hidden within
I stare into nothingness
Wishing to find purpose
No words on my pages
I don't have time
For pleasures of sanity
My smile so forced
Only I know me
I am that guy

"Hundreds of years from now, it will not matter what my bank account was, the sort of house I lived in, or the kind of car I drove... But the world may be different because I did something so bafflingly crazy that my ruins become a tourist attraction."

My Take on this Semester

Well I am definitely exhausted already after the first 3 days of classes. It's going to be an interesting semester if I don't crash and burn at some point. I'm taking Calculus, which I haven't had for 6 years. A Programming class which I dropped winter semester because I had too much on my plate (seems to be a common trend with me). Electrical Circuits, a 5 credit class stuffed into a 4 credit class, so it will be very demanding. A computer ethics class which will not be too bad, allot of group discussion and work. I think I will enjoy it. My "keep me sane" class will be social dance! It is way fun, and I have already met allot of cool people. Today we learned our first dance, the fox trot. Let's just say I'm a natural, at least all the girls I danced with said I was really good. That can't be a bad thing! And I may have even remembered most of their names! There is a test at the end of the semester on names....gotta know all 30 people of the opposite sex in the class. Won't be too hard when you dance with like 10 or more different partners each class.

My calling is keeping me pretty busy as usual, especially since it's the beginning of the semester. There's 100 more names I gotta learn lol! It's sad because even though I get to meet everyone in the ward, it's easy to tell who is not really with it....or rather not wanting to be a part of the ward. Sometimes I wonder how some people can be so self-absorbed and not give a care about being a participant in the gospel. I guess I shouldn't always compare myself to others though. I'm just so used to being active and in the middle of everything. Maybe my calling has made me a bit self-righteous, I dunno, I just love being a part of it all. I don't know why anyone else wouldn't want that too. The gospel is so great! A little effort brings huge blessings!

So as for if I'm gonna make it through the semester or not...I have my own doubts! I'm pretty sure I'll have homework every night for at least 2 hrs (thats what to expect from calculus alone). I'll just have to remember to have some sort of fun, when I can fit it in. We'll see!

"Despair is like a cable that is buried just under the surface of the ground. You pull it up and pull it up, but that cable just keeps right on going, clear across a field, until you come to a bunch of guys who are burying the cable. Then just walk up to them and go, 'Hey, have you seen Fred?' And they'll say, 'Fred who?' And you say, 'Fred of snakes?' Then cover your ears, because big laughs are coming."

Bonfires and Baptisms

Last night was pretty good. I just needed to get out and take my mind off of things for a while. Some former roommates decided to have a bonfire out at Monkey Rock so I jumped on the opportunity to do something. It was the first time I had ever been out there...and don't ask me where it is because I would get so lost trying to find it again. It was just nice getting reacquainted with friends from prior semesters who are back in the ward again. I just love the smell of a bonfire! It makes me wanna go camping and just get lost in the wilderness. It would be great! So that was a nice getaway for a while.

This morning I had the opportunity to go and do baptisms at the Rexburg Temple. It was the first time going to the baptistry for me here. It was such an amazing experience though. I was invited by a good friend who hadn't been to the temple in a long time. It was neat being in there and being able to share that experience with her. I had the opportunity to confirm and baptize others. This service is so pure, so selfless, so important. It gives freedom to those who are waiting for it. It was very spiritual too. The whole time my mind was so free of the worries that have been plaguing me as of late. I could have stayed there all day just to have that peace. I know I need to go more often. I want to be a better servant. I want to be a better example. I know that as I strive to follow my Savior, I will always find happiness, even when working through trials and heartaches. I know it's true and I love it.

"Believe in yourself! Have faith in your abilities! Without a humble but reasonable confidence in your own powers you cannot be successful or happy."

I swear he was 7....no 8ft tall!

Ok so usually i'm a pretty complacent and calm guy. You don't want to mess with me though. So basically here I am back in Rexburg and already getting myself into trouble. I was just out with a few of my roomies shopping and what not at Wal-Mart (the best place on earth). So there are totally like a million people there since its the start of a new semester and it's crazy! So we're just walking around looking for our stuff when there is this shouting coming from the electronics department and this guy just starts running like mad to the exit holding a freaking computer keyboard. So i'm just standing in the isle in his way and so I pretty much just block him from leaving and he runs right into me. He swings the keyboard at me and knocks me right in the face...as you can tell. So now i'm getting all pumped up and pretty much tackle him down to the ground and start wailing on this dude like nobody's business. It didn't take too long for the security guys to show up bring some order to the whole situation....yes Wal-Mart has security! I think they are actually referred to as the theft prevention unit or something like that. But technically they can't do anything until they see the thief leave the store. Oh well...so now I have this sweet cut under my eye and on my forehead with a sweet story to tell people. That is...if anything I just told you was even remotely the truth. Hah. Gotcha. Anyone who really knows me would have known I was pulling their leg from the moment I even hinted at taking someone out. So the true story will remain a mystery, because hey, this one is so much more fun to tell.

"It makes me mad when people say I turned and ran like a scared rabbit. Maybe it was like an angry rabbit, who was going to fight in another fight, away from the first fight."

Life can be brutal.

Well I guess I don't really know where to start this post. There has been a lot on my mind lately. It seems like every time something good happens in my life, there is always some thing or circumstance or event that likes to rear its ugly head and ruin the day. I'm flippin cursed! Someone doesn't want me to be happy and he is doing a mighty fine job at it.

I feel like I'm always in the dark...not knowing what the heck is going on...wishing someone would just give me a **** spotlight so I can see where the **** I'm going. At least that's what I'm saying to myself in my mind right about now. After such a nice week visiting the mission and just having a great time, I'm thrown 3 nice curve balls in a row. I guess I'm out. And I feel out...out of touch with normality, sensibility, and where I'm headed. Not that I am taking a turn for the worse or anything, I'm doing what I can to stay sane and complacent. The world around me is so off it's rocker sometimes that I am surprised I don't roll away with it.

I'm not going to get specific about everything but I am just going to say that I wish I had known this earlier...a lot earlier...or not at all. Maybe I should stay in the dark....ignorance is bliss after all. I hate seeing people, especially good friends, get down on themselves too much for mistakes they have made. I know we have all gone through that...thinking we can't change or overcome our trials. Life can be brutal, but it's how we deal with these things that really show who we are. There are a few people that I really want to let know that I care. I care a lot, and it hurts me to see them suffering like they are. There is one sure remedy; The Gospel. No matter what you've done...the Lord is always there. I've seen His power, I've felt His love, and there is no sweeter joy then feeling Him beside you when you think all is lost. Turn to Him in your darkest hour and he will give you that light. He will even carry it for you as He leads you through the mists of darkness. Don't ever think you can't do it.

"It is difficult to bear the sufferings that are inflicted upon us, but the real torment in life is to suffer the consequences of our own shortcomings and sins which we inflict upon ourselves.
There is only one way to rid ourselves of this suffering. It is by means of sincere repentance. I learned that if I could present unto the Lord a broken heart and a contrite spirit, feeling a godly sorrow for my sins, humbling myself, being repentant of my faults, He, through His miraculous atoning sacrifice, could erase those sins and remember them no more." ~Claudio D. Zivic

Wow! What a trip!

Well I have way too many pictures from my trip to post them all here. Go check out my Facebook page to see them. I have a lot of pictures of scenery from the drive down and alot of people from my mission I got to see again, plus a lot of just fun random pics. After all that driving I really don't want to go anywhere else soon. Come to think of it I've traveled nearly 5,000 miles this summer and over half of that I have driven. Myself. Alone. Oh well, It was worth the trip. What an amazing opportunity to revisit my mission. So many who have served foreign may never get that chance or it would cost a lot of money, so I feel very blessed.

Now it's back to the grind of school. I will be moving into my apartment tomorrow and getting situated for the semester to start...which I am seriously not prepared for. And I really don't think I am much in the mood to start classes again either. There's just a lot of stuff to worry about pertaining to school...the stresses that inevitably plague our happy little lives. I just need to buckle down and bear it I guess. I really won't have a whole lot else I need to focus on besides that and my calling in church, which is still executive secretary for my ward. Being the natural procrastinator that I am, I am sure it won't take long for me to get frustrated and behind on my work.

Ok enough of the sad depressing talk. I have so much to be grateful for and happy about. I have friends that are always there for me, family that loves me, the gospel which keeps me in check, and someone I care about very much. In the world we live we all need something to keep us sane and thinking that it is all worth it in the end.

Well here is a picture of the new car..or rather the one my Dad traded me for the Eclipse. It's not as "cool" and I am really gonna miss the sound system, but I will be saving a ton of money on gas with the Cobalt.
"When people say that the desert is lifeless, it just makes me want to grab them by the collar and yell, 'Why you stupid, stupid bastard!' Then I drive them out into the desert to where the circus is, and point out the many forms of zebra and clown life."